How do I let go of being the victim in the scape-goating dynamic in my family?
Anne: I would like some individual guidance on how to let go of being the victim in a scape-goating dynamic in my family? I use the Sedona Method to let go of the feelings and ‘story’ and find this very helpful. If you have further guidance I’d be grateful to hear.
Jeddah: The most powerful tool I have found for turning around any kind of human relating dynamic is to start treating oneself lovingly and kindly, the way we would if we were administering that to someone else (which we often find easier). The key here is to actually extend that kindness to oneself despite any thoughts which tell you that you deserve otherwise (critcism/doubt/worry etc).If you just try to out-think yourself, fighting thought with thought, it stays in the realm of the mind and no transformation takes place.The pain that is felt in human relating comes from erroneous beliefs being entertained, believed in and therefore acted upon. Our physical cells and energy field shut down under the influence of such thoughts because they are out of alignment with the truth of our makeup/structure. When we put our noticing on our gentleness, our kindness, our generosity, our forgiveness, we move into a paradigm (collection of beliefs) that is in alignment with who we really are. This releases the natural flow of energy through the cells and energy field and is felt as expansion, clarity, love, possibility. This is one reason why the Sedona Method works so well, it actually releases the mind from insisting on certain thoughts that do not serve us and allows us to see the truth of what is lying underneath, patiently waiting for our awareness of it.
I would say to anyone in a family situation, remember we are all trying our best and to apply as much love, forgiveness and kindness we can muster under trying circumstances. When we treat ourselves with kindess and love first, it gives us what we look for in our relating with others and so our connection is no longer based on need. When we are full of (self) love, we find that our energy is naturally supportive of others (they do not sense any underlying tension) and the whole dynamic is eased and raised up. I say this over and over but it is worth repeating, the best service we can render this planet is to be in a state of continuous kindness to oneself (despite the mind trying to convince us otherwise) and this releases not only our own self imposed limitations but provides an environment whereby others feel safe, loved and ‘held’ enough to do likewise. We become living examples of mankind’s potential.
I am sending you much love, support and encouragement.
Warmly, Jeddah
Hi Jeddah,
Some time ago I came across a quote attributed to you and I thought, “This is some good thinking.” But I thought you were a dead person (some writer from the past).
Now I’m pleased to find you are not dead. I’m guessing you’re also pleased about this (joke).
In any case, I just wanted to say, I like how you express the truths.
I also write about such things, and sometimes, people say they really like what I write.
So, just sayin’,… I like what you write.
Phil